What does music mean to you?

Each and everyone of us has listened to music or knows someone who has. So if you ask anyone they will tell you a reason why they listen to the music they do. The reasons can vary from trying to relax or to help them think. Some people can do it just for the pure enjoyment in hearing different types of music. I know people who love rock but hate country and other people who will tolerate country but rarely listen to it by choice. I even know people who listen to such funny music you are laughing with in the first verse. My preference of music varies itself. I like all kinds of music but certain kinds like gospel, classical, and the rap where every word is a curse word and is insulting to people I do not like. Other than those types I will listen to any kind of music once to see if I like it or not. My favorite kind of music is the kind that has meaningful lyrics. A song I have loved since the first time I heard it is Stand by Rascal Flatts the chorus is what makes it so meaningful to me. Here it is:

'Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend, 'til you break

'Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe your hands, shake it off

Then you stand,

Then you stand

What do you think of that chorus? I know I love it and just listening to the whole song a couple times can get me out of any funk I am in for some reason. To show the variety of music I listen to I am going to show more lyrics to another song. I enjoyed rock a little bit but a good friend of mine introduced me to other rock artists and I fell in love. A good example of this is a song by 5 finger death punch called Dot your eyes. Here are the lyrics I love from that song:

It's not the size of the dog in the fight.

It's the size of the fight in the dog.

What is your music preference?

Chu To Bu / Brasa Judo, Jiu-Jitsu,

So I have a friend that introduced me to this place just on Tuesday. Once I started I knew it would be something I will enjoy. I have wrestled for a few years if you are reading more than this post and I was looking for something else to do in the workout sense. I was starting not to be in the best head space and could not seem to keep myself out of that bad place. I knew I needed a workout that was hard but also made me think of the moves. So on Tuesday a friend of mine thought I would like this place so I went to try it out. Well it turns out I did really enjoy it and will go as often as I can. I do not want t to be in that bad place anymore or snarl at people cause I am restless. To calm that place in me is difficult because it is the anger and cold fury that wants to be let out any chance it gets. With the enjoyment of pushing my body to its limit it allows me to stay the happy and laughing person I really am. I let the anger and cold fury out in a controlled way that is also useful in other situations. O I also get to beat up a few people along the way so its pure enjoyment. Thank you my friend for introducing me to this I will work hard to be good and maybe make a few friends along the way.

Why... Just why

I would not usually write about anything to do with politics, but I think this should be addressed. It has been in the news a lot lately and I think it is ridiculous the point of the NFL kneeling during the national anthem. This should never go threw people's mind as a protesting action. I do not care if your protesting police brutality, Donald Trump, or even racism do not kneel for the national anthem. To sing the national anthem is an honor because it honors those who have sacrificed their lives for this country. Standing for the national anthem was taught to everyone since they started school why should it be changed into a protest maneuver. Knelling is a disrespectful act and a disgraceful act to this country. The people who decide to do this are being childish and need to remember to have honor in the people who serve. Why disrespect the lives that were willingly given to protect your life and their country?

Unbelieveable

There have been all these natural disasters happening in the world as everyone knows. The hurricanes have been the biggest discussion because there have been so many in such a short period of time. I am wanting to talk about how people escape to safe areas and shelters but leave their animals. I can not believe that some people would do something so selfish. It is a common agreement that any pets or animals someone owns becomes family. I do not understand how if an animal becomes family they can be left behind so simply. On top of that I do not understand how if that animal is left behind why would you not go back and at least look for your family member of the four legged kind. There is a phrase from the movie Lilo and Stitch that I am going to use.Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. The four legged creatures we bring into our home become family so why would this phrase not apply to them too. Now all those dogs that were left behind and forgotten are going to make new families that may not do the same.Do you consider your four legged friend your family? Would you leave them behind in that kind of situation?

My brothers

I can not believe it took me so long to realize that I should write about my brothers. It is a long and complicated story but my brothers are my brothers no matter what anyone may say. I love them with all of my being and if anyone will not except that then they should not be around me. I will protect them with my life if it ever comes to that people should know that about me. I love to see them every chance I get but that is not as often as I hope it to be. I enjoy just spending the day with them even if it is just watching movies like a couple of couch potatoes. When I was told my youngest brother had a picture of me in his book bag the whole time I was in the hospital it just made me want to give him a huge hug and cry from pure love. My oldest brother told me something I will never forget as long as I live he said "I do not know how you are my sister but I know you are my sister." That simple sentence was a punch to the gut because of the complicated story of the past. No matter what time of the day or what may be happening I will always answer a call from either one of them or a text. Any significant other I get will understand they are my world and if they do not understand that Good Bye to that significant other.

I want to write to my brothers specifically so here it goes:

I will love you forever

I will care for you forever

 I will protect you forever

I will sacrifice my life for yours any day

If I get mad at you I will always forgive you

To see both of you grow up is a blessing because it was one small decision that could have not made it so

I love you both always and forever

3 years ago

I have debated all day on weather o not to write this, but as you can see I decided too. On this day 3 years ago my life changed forever. Cliche phrase right, but it is true. The day my life changed forever was a day I will never forget. At the end of school I called my dad and told him how bad my day was and he just told me to dress in something comfortable so he could bring me to the hospital when he got off work. I remember not wanting to go but I finally did as I was told because I was really not feeling good. We went to the emergency room and I got a Cat scan done. After that it went pretty fast I was told they found a large mass in my head and they wanted to transfer me to a better hospital. The last thing I remember was the guy in the back of the ambulance with me saying we were there. I finally woke up 3 days later because they had to drain my head of extra brain fluid that built up then they did the surgery. They found a golf size tumor in the back of my head and my CSF tube crushed. The big problem was I lost my vision so quickly after that I did not even realize it was gone right away because it became normal to me. On that day I also found out I have a disease that would make me have to go to the doctor's office regularly for different scans or tests. People tell me all the time that I am strong for not going into a depression or anything worse. I just call it stubbornness on my part. I had the stubbornness to live and live the way I wanted to. I had to start with everything from the beginning like reading, mobility, and many other things. I eventually went to a school that helped me to learn all I needed to learn again. What I have learned from this experience was to live life to its fullest and laugh as often as you can because you never know what may happen tomorrow. With this disease I do have to go see those doctors all the time and maybe eventually doing that will take its toll on me. With the people around that care about me I will continue to be stubborn and never give up. There is a man I have been compared too many times but I never got to meet because he died before I was born. This was my dad's dad who was a drill Sargent in the Vietnam War and also had the disease. I would have loved to meet the man I am compared to a lot with how bull headed I am. I would also like to ask him why did he give up on going to those doctors to help him. I understand in a way but why not wait until his youngest was over 18 and maybe out of the house. I do understand though because the disease I have is known to start hitting a person hard and likely killing them before their sixth decade. I want to tell anyone who is reading this to live your life happy and with as much laughter you can fit into it. When I get a phone call from a friend or even a silly text it makes me smile or even giggle when I needed it. To have those small moments is a wonderful thing. I really chose to write this because I saw a memory on Facebook that was about some family members saying they love me and are thinking of me on that day 3 years ago.

Senses

There are five senses for most people, I only have four. I m blind so my senses are heightened. I feel everything differently, I hear everything differently, I even smell differently. I feel with every part of me and its worth more to me with everyday that passes. To feel someone's life force and heartbeat with each hug is shocking at first. To touch someone and enjoy the warmth of their skin is strange. To have your skin itching for a long and surrounding hug is scary at first. After a while you want to feel those sensations because without it it hurts too much. I each cadence in sounds and voices. I hear the pain or emotion that can not be explained when someone speaks. I hear the way you walk that makes me able to tell who you are or if something is wrong. What is the most strange for me is being able to tell people's sent. I will explain this one even if it makes me sound creepy. I can smell each person as they walk by me or when they hug me. I have realized that everyone has there own sent weather or not it is their cologne or maybe perfume. After a while I can discern who that person is only if someone else is not wearing the same sent. Most people like a particular cologne or perfume so that makes it easy. We are all human and touch is important for us to feel comforted or may just need the touch. I believe now without sight my senses have gone more towards animal like which sounds kinda weird even to me. I think this because I understand feeling, hearing, and smell in completely different ways I thought I would never understand. Do you feel everything in ways like this? Can you understand what I am talking about?

Information!!!

I did not realize how much I would enjoy writing these blogs so much but I do. I would love to write everyday but my mind goes into something like writer's block. I do not think this is the best description because I do not consider myself a real writer. So I am looking for ideas, subjects, stories, or even criticism on ways to fix some of my writing. I would truly appreciate it and I will try to do a post on everyone's ideas. It may take sometime to do this that is kinda what I am looking for is well spent time. If you want to send me something email me at Wolf.t.manor@gmail.com and use WM Suggestions as the subject line or I will not pay attention to the email. Thank you all who do send something and those who do not thank you for just reading the posts if you do.

Circumstances

Everyone is dealt a deck of cards in their hands. It is up to that person how they want to handle them. Would you want to let those cards rule the way you go threw life or would you want to hold them proudly. These cards are just circumstances that are given to us.I was not dealt the best hand of cards but, I do my best with them each day. I went blind at somewhat of a young age but I did get to see so much in the time I had sight. I am thankful that I was able to do at least that. I did not go blind before I had a chance to take it for granted like most people would have. What bothers me the most is when people do not understand the real difficulty of somethings. I really do not understand why some people think just because i am blind I am a fragile flower that may break with the slightest hard knock That is definitely the wrong idea to assume something so heinous. I was given these circumstances why should I be treated different then someone who has sight I do not understand. Maybe they are scared of the unknown or to scared to try and learn about the unknown. Each person has the circumstances they have ben dealt it is up to them how they want to live with them. I can do anything a sighted person can do but the things that sight is necessary for. I can cook, I can clean, I can walk places without help or someone hovering like I will fall. These are my circumstances. What are yours?

True Inspiration

I recently started podcasts to listen to other stories and learn more things. I listened to a podcast by this guy named Jocko Willink who is a retired navy seal and has his own website, Facebook page and more. I am not referring to this guy though I want to talk about the guy he had on his podcast yesterday. Rob Jones is who I is the true inspiration in my mind. He is a Marine but suffered a major injury a couple years back which made him have to retire from the Marines. This guys job was to find IEDs for his platoon to keep them from encountering them unexpectedly. One day in the field he was not able to find the IED on time and he suffered the mistake. Rob Jones became a double amputee above the knee. Do not think this stopped this Marine it did not he pushed on and now lives a happy life. What I found really interesting was he went to the 2012 Para Olympics and got a Bronze medal in rowing. I also found it really cool that he taught himself to ride a bike again and rode cross country from Maine to southern California. He has a phrase that really gets to me and can relate to anybody. There is weight on everyones shoulders and you can either let it drag you to the ground or you can push yourself and eventually that weight will feel like nothing. I certainly did not get it word for word but he is referring to a work out technique in which a person works out with a certain weight and gets used to that weight. He also has a journal of his time in the Marines that tells an amazing story with great detail he continues to write about his everyday life.Rob Jones is also soon going to do 31 marathons in 31 days in 31 different locations. To follow his progress in this incredible event go to robjonesjourney.com you can also see which locations he will be in on which dates. I want to thank this man for telling his story and being a true inspiration not just to me but everyone who encounters him.Thank you Rob Jones for all you have done.

Night and Day

Everyone has dark and light inside them you just have to acknowledge it. I know I have anger in me and some days its hard to fight it off and keep it at bey. I can feel it lurking at the edges of my mind some days and it does get out without me realizing it right away. It feels like a beast that I have to control each and every day so I do not accidentally let it out and the beast hurt someone I care about. Them there is also the light which is a respite from that darkness. The light allows me to laugh and smile with the people I care about. I can also joke around with them and be compassionate if someone is hurt or needs the comfort. I can help a little kid tie their shoe just because they asked me too while walking down the hallway. Despite this light the darkness still wants to sneak up on me and dig its claws into me and not want to let go until its done with me for that day. So its like Ying and Yang, dark and light , day and night, which ever way you want to see it they are there inside of everyone lurking to be let out. Sadness, hatred, disgust, anger, jealousy, and many more can be considered your beast that you fight off everyday. Compassion, love, caring, helping, trust, and happiness are considered some of the lighter emotions that can drag us out of the darkness for just a little while. I believe each and every person has both of these qualities in them they just may or may not know it or not want to accept they are there. Even in everyday life there is light and dark or in the literal sense of night and day. There is murder, death,heart break, or just a pissed off person that day is the dark. If you have light or just found it never let go. It will help you though the darkness in the world and have happiness where everywhere you look there is not any. If it's a child or true love hold it it tight and never let forget they are your light in this world of night and day.

Note: This post was a draft for awhile so I did not forget what I wanted to say I just wanted to wait to add the picture before I published it.

What is this world coming too?

I have been seeing it a lot on Facebook lets see what you think. There are a few opinions of all the natural disasters happening in the world lately which one do you think is true? The main opinion I have been seeing is that God is coming back to this world that is why all the shocking amount of disasters are occurring.I do not think that could be true because I do not understand how a book that was made a couple thousand years ago could have known that what is happening now could have come true. It does not mean I am putting down the people who do believe I just do not. Another idea is that the Earth is finally taking revenge against humans for trying to kill it for thousands of years. It could also be that the movie The Day after Tomorrow is coming true and the world is doing what it has done for millennia and is resetting itself. This one is a strange one but it could also be the government controlling the weather. This is a strange one to me because if the government is doing this what kind of political advancements does controlling the weather do. Maybe it is to raise political polls or opinions. If the president knows about this then why is he allowing all the deaths to happen. What is your opinion or what ideas do you have on all the natural disasters happing?

What is a survivor?

The definition I am referring to is: To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere. I want people to know this one because everyone has experienced a hard time or two. So every time you are thrown into a situation that is difficult remember to be strong. If a person o people put you in that pit of misery claw your way out as a way of saying "Fuck you" to them. If it is a pit of a pit of despair or being thrown to the side of the road because someone thinks you are worthless then remember you are a survivor. A survivor is someone that no matter the difficulty of an issue they will always pull theirselves out of it and try their best not to let anyone else put them in a spot like that again. I understand being a survivor myself because I did not have the best childhood but I am here today and am happy. To be lied to and manipulated for the first decade of my life has taken its toll but I am here today and I understand what was done to m so I do my best to laugh and smile every time I can. I did have some help along the way though which is not a bad thing it is a good thing. My father has helped me with many things like helping myself threw the verbal and emotional hurt I went threw. So do not turn down the help when it is offered sometimes it is needed. Remember your the one who has the last say in weather or not you want to get out of the hell you are in or gone threw. Are you a survivor?

The sport I Love

Well if you are keeping up with my posts maybe you have seen that I have mentioned wrestling a few times. I have mentioned this sport a few times because I love it since the day I started. It is hard to explain but just the difficulty of the sport and the challenge is what makes it so much of an enjoyment for me. Since the first year I wrestled I somehow gained a reputation for being tough and stronger than I look. I have always enjoyed pushing myself to my bodies limit and past it so this was the best sport for me. People still ask me till this day how I got interested in the sport. I remember in the sixth grade my dad told me I had to do a sport and the week before the biddy cheerleading papers went out. That week though biddy wrestling papers were being passed out and I asked the person that was passing them out if I could have one and he looked at me funny but gave me one. I brought the paper home and told my dad that I wanted to do wrestling and all he said was "I will call the coach." I was surprised that he said that but I was happy too. The coach had some problems with me wrestling as a girl but with some fighting I was able to stay on the team and did well. Years later that same coach that did not want me on his team saw me wrestling still, complemented and also apologized to me. I was not certainly not the best but I tried the hardest I could every match and practice. In the eightch grade I gained the nickname "Bone Crusher" because a match I wrestled I accidentally broke two of someone's fingers. I went blind a couple years ago and in the hospital I actually asked when I would be able to get back to wrestling. I had to heal first and transfer to Lorain High before I could even try to wrestle again which was difficult for me. It was frustrating in Lorain City Schools to try and wrestle again because they saw a big liability issue with a blind person wrestling. Maybe they thought that since I was blind I lost the toughness I had when I had sight...wrong. if you are a person that thinks that a person who is visually impaired or blind is weaker is stupid in my opinion because they go threw mor each day than you can ever imagine with that kind of impairment. I eventually went to the blind school in Columbus after I got all my high school credits and was able to do the sport I love with no problem and more sports. I wrestled on a team with a couple other blind students and visually impaired students. I really enjoyed that year because I was able to learn mor about the blind society and how some people think of it and how to wrestle blind. I particularly enjoyed my coach which was also blind because he noticed things that some sighted coaches I had did not notice right away. At the conference at the end of the season I suffered my first serious injury in all the years I have wrestled it was a bruised bone in my right foot but I still placed in fourth place. I wrestled six years which is not much compared to others but I loved all six of those years. Maybe as I get older I will get some kind of part time job in the wrestling field like a assistant coach or an actual coach I will see as time goes on.

A bad Reputation...

Well in this world there are many people that do bad things and earn the bad reputation they are given but what about the animals out there. I am talking about the issues of dogs earning a bad reputation and being punished for it. People get put in jail for their bad deeds because they have the common sense not to do what they did. What about dogs they are taught to do these bad things and do not know any other way so they are punished for it. I think that is wrong and should not happen to a creature that is unable to speak its mind about what it is doing.To get into specifics pit bulls are taking the bluntness of the human opinion and can not do much to stop it. They are ran out of cities because that is their breed and humans have taught them to fight till the death. Humans have also interbred this breed so much that many of the dogs out their are aggressive by nature, I say with the right training these dogs can be as much as a family dog as a lab or golden retriever with the right owner. So I do not think that an entire breed should be accused of all the crimes one person taught a dog to do. I think the idea that all of one breed is bad because one animal in that breed has done horrific actions is wrong. Just like in human society the person that does the crime is dealt with it should also be applied to the animal society. Dogs are just as smart as humans maybe even smarter at times so they can be trained with consistency they can be the perfect companion, In the years past many breeds have gone threw this process of known as being aggressive and then being considered an awesome family dog. People should not forget the past because it can show some truth for the present.